What Kind of Cyclist Are You?

[Jeff Gross]

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'



What Kind of Cyclist are You?

There are ferocious advocates for each of these positions, who hold their beliefs as fervently as any religious fanatic. Their fanaticism is understandable - if one can convince all cyclists to bike alike, then that orientation becomes accepted as common practice which is predictable and has safety in numbers. At times, I think I fit into every one of these categories.

• Gym rats: Cyclists who believe road riding is dangerous and have given the road up for spin classes and closed course triathlons. Is it irresponsible to risk the possibility of your children growing up without a parent? Spin classes can be fun - especially when Dianna Wennerstrom is teaching!
• Pedestrians: Cyclists who believe they are pedestrians and the only place to ride is the sidewalk, or the left side of the street facing traffic. There is a sidewalk near my house that ends up with a great shortcut through the Carlsbad Library that I use on my way home. Sometimes I even bike the wrong way down the Oceanside Strand!
• Separated from traffic: Cyclists who believe the only place to cycle is a paved separated bike path like the San Luis Rey. This trail is the easiest, fastest, most scenic way to get from the coast to Bonsall.
• Bike Laners: Cyclists who believe the only place to cycle is a street with a bike lane or a non-arterial street. I will bike on arterials in the bike lane, although if there are no cars, I often move out of the bike jail. For joy of cycling, I will make up routes around winding back low-traffic streets.
• Curb huggers: Cyclists who will ride on any street, and when traffic is present will ride within one foot of the curb, shoulder line, or parked cars. Even when I am out occupying the lane, I check my mirror frequently and often move to the curb when I see no indication that a car is slowing or moving left to go around me. I just do not trust drivers.
• Practicable: Cyclists who when traffic is present will ride 3 or more feet from the curb, shoulder or parked cars. The law says “as close as practicable,” and leaves the word open to interpretation. I prefer to ride 4 feet from the curb, for visibility and safe maneuvering.
• Vehicular Cyclists: Cyclists who believe they are vehicles no different than cars and should at all times fully occupy the lane as a slow moving vehicle. For example, on the Coast Highway through downtown Encinitas, I will stake my lane position so that cars must change lanes to go around me.
• Scofflaws: Cyclists who are at war with cars and revolt against all traffic laws. Part of me wants to join a Critical Mass ride: I feel their outrage against the discrimination leveled at cyclists.

Drivers say they want cyclists to "be safe" when what they mean is they want cyclists to get out of their way, even if it means riding in some of the most dangerous places on the road.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.



GREEN

In the queue at the store, the cashier told an older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment. The woman apologized to him and explained, "We didn't have the green thing back in my day."

The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment."

He was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that old lady is right; we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used a wadded up old newspaper to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right; we didn't have the green thing back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.
But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?

Remember: Don't make old People mad.  We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off.

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.



Hamburger Hamburger Hamburger

Think about eating, right before you eat. A study published in Science shows that when you imagine eating a certain food, it reduces your actual consumption of that food. The research shows that perception and mental imagery engage neurons in your brain and affect emotions, response tendencies and skilled motor behavior. So by imagining eating an unhealthy food that you love, you may actually lower your craving for it.

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'



Elbow Tips

• Elbows in not out. Rather than try to keep your elbows unlocked, try pulling them together toward each other.
• To keep your elbows relaxed (for control), flap them whenever you look at your speedometer.
• Seated climbing - put your hands near the stem and bend your elbows

A hole has been found in the nudist-camp wall. The police are looking into it.



Why Are Home Prices Rising?

The.fed.is.attempting.to.hold.the.U.S..economy.up.by.printing.more.and.more.money.(Quantitative.Easing)
and.by.forcing.borrowing.costs.to.artificially.low.levels..Where.we.are.not.there.yet,.Fed.policy.seems
clearly.aimed.at.inflating.another.housing.bubble..The.main.store.of.wealth.for.the.majority.of.
Americans.that.fuel.the.U.S..econom.is.the.value.of.their.homes..By.artificially.raising.home.prices
to.induce.the."wealth.effect,".this.is.how.the.fed.wants.to.get.the.consumer.to.start.spending.again.
and.kick-start.a.weak.economy.

There.is.no.free.lunch.in.economics..There.is.no.avoiding.the.painful.process.of.withdrawal.that.will.
occur.when.uncontrollable.market.forces.dictate.that.interest.rates.and.inflation.must.rise..Until.
that.time.arrives,.do.not.fight.the.Fed.and.do.not.fight.the.trend.-.housing.prices.are.heading.higher.



Cyclists kick gas.

Bike lots,
Jeff Gross
jeff@fullcommitment.com